Is My Partner a Narcissist? Take the Narcissist Test
This free narcissist test walks through 20 patterns tied to narcissistic traits and narcissistic abuse. See which ones show up in your relationship. Your answers never leave your device.
At a glance
- 20 questions, each rated from “Never” to “Almost always”
- About 5 minutes to finish
- Built from the DSM-5 traits of narcissistic personality disorder and common patterns of narcissistic abuse
- Private: scored in your browser. We never see, store, or email your answers.
- Results you can use: which patterns show up most and how they may be affecting you
- For adults 18 and older
Take the free narcissist test
Most narcissist tests ask you to rate yourself. This one is for the more common question: “Is my partner a narcissist?” It walks through 20 behaviors drawn from the DSM-5 traits of narcissistic personality disorder and the relationship patterns survivors of narcissistic abuse describe most often.
No quiz can diagnose another person, and we won’t pretend this one does. What it can do is help you see the pattern clearly, and that clarity is often what people need most.
What does this narcissist test measure?
The 20 questions cover eight groups of patterns:
- Grandiosity and entitlement: acting superior and expecting special treatment
- Need for admiration: needing constant praise and reacting badly to criticism
- Lack of empathy: overlooking your feelings or making your pain about them
- Control and exploitation: guilt, pressure, and controlling money or relationships
- Gaslighting and blame: denying what happened and making you feel unreasonable
- The idealize-then-devalue cycle: intense early attention followed by contempt
- Envy and contempt: resenting your wins and looking down on others
- The impact on you: walking on eggshells and doubting yourself
The last group matters most. Narcissistic abuse is defined less by the other person’s label than by what the relationship does to you.
How is the narcissist test scored?
Each answer runs from “Never” to “Almost always.” Your main result counts how many of the 20 patterns you rated as happening often or almost always:
- 0 to 3: few of these patterns show up often
- 4 to 9: several patterns show up often, worth a closer look
- 10 or more: many patterns show up often, a consistent picture of narcissistic traits
Your results also show a bar for each of the eight groups, so you can see where the patterns concentrate. These ranges summarize your answers. They aren’t research cutoffs.
How accurate is a narcissist test?
Validated narcissism questionnaires exist, but they’re designed for people to rate themselves, and people with strong narcissistic traits rarely see themselves clearly. No validated tool lets one person diagnose a partner.
So we built an educational checklist instead and say so plainly. Our team wrote the questions from the DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder and the patterns of narcissistic abuse our therapists see in their work. It isn’t a validated research instrument.
That’s also why we focus on patterns and their effect on you rather than a verdict. You don’t need your partner diagnosed to decide a relationship is hurting you.
How our therapists read your results
People recovering from narcissistic abuse often arrive asking whether their partner “really” is a narcissist. Here’s how our therapists think about it.
The pattern matters more than the label. Anyone can be selfish on a bad day. What sets narcissistic abuse apart is a steady pattern of control, contempt, and denial that wears you down over time.
Your self-doubt is information. If you’ve started questioning your memory or judgment, that’s often the result of repeated gaslighting, not a flaw in you.
The cycle keeps people stuck. The early idealization was real to you, and the hope of getting it back is a big part of why leaving feels so hard. That’s a normal response, not a weakness.
Safety comes first. If you’re afraid of your partner, or they’ve hurt or threatened you, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788). If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
Narcissistic traits vs. narcissistic personality disorder
Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum, and most people have a few. Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosis for a long-standing pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that causes real problems. Only a clinician who evaluates someone directly can make that call. For your own healing, the distinction matters less than how you’re being treated.
Should we try couples therapy?
Sometimes. But when one partner uses control, manipulation, or intimidation, many clinicians recommend individual therapy first, because couples sessions can become one more place for control. A therapist can help you decide what makes sense for your situation.
What to do with your results
- Many patterns, or high scores on the impact questions: Talk with a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse. You deserve support whether you stay or go.
- Several patterns: Notice whether they’re occasional or constant, and how they affect you. A consultation can help you sort it out.
- Few patterns, but the relationship still hurts: Conflict and poor communication can be painful without narcissism. Couples counseling or individual therapy may help.
- Afraid for your safety: Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or 911 in an emergency.
Narcissistic abuse recovery at My Denver Therapy
Our team of 20+ Denver area therapists helps people untangle relationships with narcissistic partners, parents, and exes. Recovery usually includes:
- Getting your footing back: trusting your own memory and judgment again
- Understanding the hook: why the relationship was so hard to leave, often rooted in codependency or the fawn response
- Healing the trauma: approaches like EMDR and IFS for the memories that still sting
- Building boundaries that hold: with the person, with family, and in future relationships
We see clients in person in Denver, Greenwood Village, and Lone Tree, and online anywhere in Colorado. Most new clients start within a week, and our phones are answered 24/7. Learn more on our narcissistic abuse therapy page, or book a free 15-minute consultation below.
Frequently asked questions
Is this narcissist test free and private?
Yes. The test is free, and it runs entirely in your web browser. Your answers are never sent to us or stored anywhere, and we don’t ask for your name or email. When you close the page, your answers are gone unless you print or save them.
Can a quiz tell me if my partner is a narcissist?
No quiz can diagnose another person. This checklist helps you see how often narcissistic patterns show up in your relationship and how they affect you. Only a clinician who evaluates someone directly can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder.
What are the signs of a narcissistic partner?
Common signs include acting superior, needing constant admiration, lacking empathy, reacting to criticism with rage or silence, gaslighting, controlling money or relationships, and swinging between idealizing and devaluing you. A steady pattern of these matters more than any single incident.
What is narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of emotional manipulation and control by someone with strong narcissistic traits. It often includes gaslighting, blame-shifting, the silent treatment, and an idealize-then-devalue cycle that leaves the other person anxious and doubting themselves.
Can I use this test for a parent or ex?
Yes. The patterns apply to parents, exes, friends, and bosses too. Picture that person wherever the questions say “my partner.” Adult children of narcissistic parents often recognize many of these patterns.
Why do I doubt myself so much?
Repeated gaslighting and blame can teach you to distrust your own memory and judgment. Self-doubt is one of the most common effects of narcissistic abuse, and it usually improves once you’re out of the pattern and have support.
Is couples therapy a good idea with a narcissistic partner?
It depends. When one partner uses control, manipulation, or intimidation, many clinicians recommend individual therapy first, because couples sessions can be used for more control. A therapist can help you decide.
What should I do if I’m afraid of my partner?
Your safety comes first. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 for free, confidential support 24/7. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911.
If you’re in crisis
This test and our website aren’t meant for emergencies. If you’re in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988, or call Colorado Crisis Services at 1-844-493-8255 (text TALK to 38255). Both are free, confidential, and open 24/7. In an emergency, call 911.
Source: This checklist was written by My Denver Therapy for education. It draws on the DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2013) and common patterns of narcissistic abuse. It is not a validated psychological test and cannot diagnose anyone. This screening is for educational purposes only. It doesn’t diagnose any condition, and taking it doesn’t create a therapist-client relationship with My Denver Therapy.
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