Therapy for men abused by a partner in Denver
My Denver Therapy provides therapy for men who are being abused, or were abused, by a wife, girlfriend, husband, or partner.
Men can also be survivors of abuse
We treat physical abuse, emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, and the aftermath of leaving, including the trauma of being disbelieved or treated as the aggressor. Our therapists use EMDR, Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, and practical safety planning. You can request a male or female therapist. Four Denver-area offices and online therapy across Colorado.
She throws things when she is angry. She has hit you, and you did not hit back, and she told you that if you ever called the police they would arrest you, not her. She controls the money, reads your texts, tells your friends you are unstable, and threatens to make sure you never see the kids. You have started to wonder whether you are the problem, because that is what she says, and because nobody you know would believe it is the other way around.
Or it is a man who does this, and you have the added weight of a community that assumes two men means a fair fight.
The CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey reports that about one in three men experiences contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in his lifetime, and roughly one in ten experiences it with a reported impact such as fear, injury, or needing services. Among male victims of intimate partner rape, physical violence, or stalking, 97 percent reported only female perpetrators.
Men in abusive relationships face a specific problem: the abuse is real and the script does not exist.
What abuse by a partner looks like for men
Abuse is a pattern of behavior used to control or harm you. For men, it often looks like this:
- Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, scratching, throwing objects, attacking you while you sleep, or using a weapon. Size does not matter. A smaller person with a knife, a car, or a willingness to call the police first holds the power.
- Coercive control: monitoring your phone and location, dictating who you can see, controlling your schedule, and punishing you for any independence
- Financial abuse: controlling all the money, running up debt in your name, sabotaging your work, or threatening to ruin you financially in a divorce
- Emotional abuse: contempt, humiliation in front of others, gaslighting, constant criticism, and threats of self-harm to keep you from leaving
- Weaponizing the system: threatening to call the police and claim you were the aggressor, threatening false allegations, or threatening to take the children
- Sexual coercion: pressure, guilt, or threats to obtain sex you do not want
- Isolation: cutting you off from friends and family, often by telling them you are the problem
Why men stay, and why men don't get help
Men stay for the same reasons women stay: the children, the finances, the hope that it will change, the shame. Men also stay because they do not believe anyone will help them, and that belief is not irrational.
Men who report partner abuse are frequently disbelieved, laughed at, or arrested themselves. Shelters and resources built for women often do not serve men. Friends ask why you did not just leave or why you let her do that. Courts can treat a man’s claim of abuse as a tactic in a custody fight.
Therapy does not fix the system. It gives you a place where you are believed, a clear-eyed assessment of your situation, a plan for safety and documentation, and treatment for what the abuse has already done to you.
How we work with men abused by a partner
We start by believing you. You will not have to prove it. You will not be asked what you did to provoke it.
Safety and documentation. If you are still in the relationship, we help you build a safety plan: what to do during an incident, how to document injuries and threats, how to protect your finances, and how to avoid situations where you could be falsely identified as the aggressor. We connect you with legal resources when custody or protection orders are involved.
Clarity. Coercive control is designed to make you doubt your own perception. Therapy restores it. We help you see the pattern clearly, name it, and decide what you want to do, without pressure in either direction.
Trauma treatment. Living with an abusive partner produces the same trauma responses as any other sustained threat: hypervigilance, shutdown, anxiety, depression, and a nervous system that cannot stand down. EMDR and Brainspotting resolve the specific incidents. Somatic therapy restores a sense of safety in your body. IFS addresses the parts of you that blame yourself and the parts that still want to protect her.
After you leave. Leaving does not end it. Co-parenting with an abuser, defending against false claims, rebuilding finances, and learning to trust again are their own work. We stay with you through all of it. Men who were betrayed as well as abused may also benefit from betrayal trauma therapy, and men whose partner fit a narcissistic pattern from narcissistic abuse therapy.
Your choice of therapist. Request a male or a female therapist when you call. Our male therapists are listed on our website, but we have trauma therapists trained available in all of our offices and online.
Frequently asked questions
Can a man be a victim of domestic violence?
Yes. The CDC reports that about one in three men experiences physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in his lifetime. Men are far less likely to report it or seek help, which is why the numbers are underestimated.
My wife hits me. Is that abuse if she’s smaller than me?
Yes. Abuse is defined by the behavior and the pattern of control, not by relative size. Many men do not fight back precisely because they could cause serious harm, and abusers exploit that restraint.
What if she says I’m the abusive one?
Accusing the victim is one of the most common tactics in coercive control, and it is especially effective against men because the system tends to believe it. Therapy helps you document what is actually happening, assess the pattern honestly, and protect yourself legally.
Will going to therapy hurt me in a custody case?
Seeking therapy is generally viewed favorably by courts, and we are a private-pay practice, so no diagnosis is submitted to insurance. Your records are confidential under Colorado law. If you have specific concerns, we can discuss them on the consultation call, and we encourage you to consult a family law attorney.
Does therapy for men abused by a partner include safety planning?
Yes. For men still in the relationship, safety planning, documentation, and financial protection are part of the first sessions.
Can I see a male therapist?
Yes. Request a male or female therapist when you call and we will match you accordingly.
Other Specialties
Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.
Rachel Naomi Remen
Meet our therapists
As a therapist-owned practice, we care about helping you heal, grow, and thrive. We take a client-focused approach to counseling and approach each session with a commitment to your progress and growth.
Availability
We’re always accepting new clients at our conveniently located offices in Denver, Greenwood Village, Lone Tree, and Arvada. All of our therapists can meet with clients online.
We specialize in you
You are welcome here. Because we have a large team with a wide range of specialties and trainings, we work with clients of all ages, backgrounds, and life stages.
We can match you with a male or female therapist who matches your goals, location, and schedule. If you have a preference for gender, age, religious background, or a person with a specific type of training or life experience, we can match you with a therapist you feel comfortable with.
Trained in effective therapy modalities
To support your mental health journey, our team is trained in some of the most effective forms of therapy available today, including EMDR, Brainspotting, CBT, DBT, and IFS.
Whether you’re looking for help with anxiety, depression, trauma, or want to better understand your relationship and attachment styles, we can help.
Insurance information
We’re out of network with insurance and Tricare and are unable to take Medicaid or Medicare.
Unlike many Denver therapy practices, we don’t charge separate intake or administration fees or charge more for your first session or specialized therapy methods like EMDR.
Get matched with a therapist
Contact us today, and one of our therapists will reach out to you directly, usually the same day.