You moved to Colorado for the lifestyle, the career, and perhaps a bit of “breathing room” from your family of origin. But even from 1,000 miles away, a single text notification from a parent can send your nervous system into a tailspin.
If you feel like a “bad child” for wanting space, or if your visits home feel more like an obligation than a joy, you aren’t alone. At My Denver Therapy, we see this daily: the struggle to balance your new life in Denver with the old expectations of home.
1. Understanding the “Enmeshment” Trap
Many of our clients come from families where boundaries were seen as “rejection.” This is called enmeshment. In these systems, you aren’t allowed to have a separate emotional life.
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The Symptom: You feel responsible for your parents’ happiness or “fix” their problems from afar.
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The Reality: You can love your parents and still have a “locked door” on certain parts of your life.
2. The “Altitude Shift”: Changing the Dynamic
When you live in a city like Denver, your life moves at a different pace. Boundaries aren’t “walls”; they are “gates.” You decide who comes in and when.
Common scenarios we help Denverites navigate:
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The “Unannounced Visit”: When parents assume they can stay at your place in Arvada or Littleton for ten days straight.
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The “Guilt-Trip” Phone Call: Using “I statements” to manage the 4:00 PM Sunday call.
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The Political/Lifestyle Clash: How to maintain a relationship when your Colorado values don’t align with your hometown’s expectations.
3. Scripts That Actually Work
A boundary without a consequence is just a suggestion. Here is how to phrase them effectively:
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The Time Boundary: “I love catching up, but I only have 20 minutes to talk today before I head out for a hike. I’ll have to hang up at 5:00.”
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The Topic Boundary: “I’m not willing to discuss my [relationship/finances/politics] right now. If we can’t move on to another topic, I’m going to end the call.”
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The Visit Boundary: “We’d love to have you visit Denver, but we can’t host you at our house this time. Here are two great hotels nearby in Cherry Creek.”
Why the “Emotional Hangover” Happens
The hardest part of boundaries isn’t the speaking; it’s the guilt that follows. This is your “inner child” fearing a loss of safety. In therapy, we work on Somatic Self-Soothing—teaching your body that you are a safe, independent adult even when a parent is disappointed in you.
